Let me go
by Halkatla
Summary: If he only could let go of Hisoka's thoughts... Oneshot


Hellooooo everybody! (smiles) It's been some time since my last fanfic… I'm sorry for that! (As if anyone cares.. -.-;) Oh well…

This is my first Yami no Matsuei fanfic! (smiles) I hope you'll like it!

**Disclaimer: **I do NOT own Descendants of Darkness (A.K.A. Yami no Matsuei) or its characters, and I will not make any kind of profit by writing this. Life sucks, I know it. But I DO own nine of the books though, at least until the tenth book is released here in Sweden (smile).

**Warnings: **BL and a scary doctor XD Otherwise… Hmm… I don't think there was anything more.

**Let me go**

He watched as the pink petals of the Sakura trees fell, hovering slightly in the air, before finally landing on the dark ground. So many memories. If he could only forget. Grey eyes came to his mind, followed by silver hair and an evil grin. Muraki.

Hisoka shook his head, and leaned back against the pillows on his bed. Why him? Why had Muraki chosen him that night? Well, obviously it was because he had seen the whole killing thing, but why had Muraki put that curse on him? It could have something to do with the fact that doctor Muraki was an evil bastard that deserved to die a slow and very painful death.

The youth sighed and lifted his hand to scratch his neck. In some really strange way, he was a bit thankful to the doctor. Hisoka's life had been somewhat of a hell. When his family found out about his powers, they had locked him up in a dark room. He had wanted to die back then; the thought of suicide became a regular visitor in his brain. But every time he was about to do it, he chickened out. He felt as if there was something, or someone that told him that it wasn't his time yet, telling him to wait. And he had waited. For two long years he waited before he snuck out one night and came in contact with doctor Muraki. Against his will, the doctor had taken his virginity, and at the same time put a curse on him. When the doctor was done, he had left Hisoka lying under the Sakura trees to watch the pink petals slowly fall one by one. He couldn't remember how long he had been lying there, but he had a vague memory of falling asleep in the dark room sometime before dawn. Not long after that night, the curse killed himand sent him to where he was now. He had gotten a job as a shinigami, and he had met very interesting people. Tatsumi, Watari, the Count, Gushoshin… And he had met Tsuzuki.

Hisoka smiled at the thought of his partner. At first Tsuzuki had been a bit like an annoying little brother, even though he was much older than Hisoka, and then he had shifted to be like an older brother and then he had started switching back and forth between those roles. And now… Hisoka sighed and got out of bed. He couldn't sleep if he was going to think about this all night. Dressed in a red, warm sweater and the black pyjama pants Hisoka put on his shoes and opened the door to his apartment. It was a quite warm night outside with a big full moon that shed its pale light over the small town where he lived. Putting his hands in his pockets Hisoka started to walk away from his apartment.

Letting his legs lead the way Hisoka tried to collect his thoughts. The main thought that had been haunting his brain for several weeks now was: What did he really think of Tsuzuki? Well, he had a huge sweet tooth to start with. Hisoka couldn't help but smile at the memory of when Tatsumi had banned Tsuzuki from sweets for a week after the shinigami had accidentally ruined the Shadow Master's best suit. Tsuzuki had looked like a little child whose mother had just told him that he couldn't have a cookie before dinner. What more was there about Tsuzuki? Well, even if he was acting like a big child most of the time, he could be really caring and comforting at times when he needed to. Like when Hisoka had been forced to kill Tsubaki. Tsuzuki had been there for him then and comforted him and told him that he was there for him and that everything would be all right. The feeling of Tsuzuki's arms around him had made Hisoka forget most of the things that were happening around them.

Hisoka stopped and looked around. Where was he? He was standing in front of a door that led to an apartment. Looking at the sign next to the door, he realized he had unconsciously walked over to Tsuzuki's apartment. His feet probably had a will of their own.

Shaking his head Hisoka turned around and started to walk away. He was not going to wake Tsuzuki up in the middle of the night because of nothing. He knew he'd better get home and go to sleep since he had the early shift at the Summons Department.

Walking back to his apartment as silently as he left, Hisoka kept pondering about Tsuzuki. What did the shinigami mean to him? What did he want to be to Tsuzuki? What did he want from Tsuzuki?

"_I want… to be with him. I want… him to be with me. Forever…,"_ Hisoka thought and felt a blush make its way up his face.

Why did he want to be with Tsuzuki? Well, he did feel safe when he was close to his partner. He knew Tsuzuki cared for him and didn't want him to get hurt in any way. And Tsuzuki was the closest to a family he had ever had in his entire life, or death for that matter. At first they hadn't gotten along that well. (That might have been because Hisoka had pointed a gun at Tsuzuki's head and accused him of being a vampire.) But the more they had worked together, the closer they had gotten to each other, and now you barely saw one of them without the other. They had become really great friends during their missions.

But did he really just want to be a friend to Tsuzuki, or did he want to be something more? He didn't know. Whenever he thought about Tsuzuki he felt warm, as if he had been wrapped in a quilt, and a feeling of safety came over him. His heart always started to beat slightly faster whenever the brunet was close to him.

But would it be possible for them to be together forever? What would Tsuzuki think of it?

Hisoka remembered when Muraki had kidnapped Tsuzuki. He remembered how he had fought his way through the flames so that he could save his partner, only to find Tsuzuki sitting on the floor surrounded by flames. He had been afraid then, afraid that Tsuzuki might die and leave him behind. And when the shinigami had told him that he was tired of everything and that he only wanted to die… Hisoka had thought his heart would break then. Tsuzuki had looked so lonely and sad with the tears running down his face and his dark hair falling in front of his amethyst eyes. He still didn't know how he had had the courage, his feet had moved on their own when he leaped out into open air. He remembered the feeling of falling and then the warmth of Tsuzuki's body as he landed. If Tsuzuki was going to die, he wanted to die too. Tsuzuki was his only family, his friend, his life force; he wouldn't survive without him.

Hisoka stopped once again to look where he was and, surprisingly, found himself standing outside the door to his own apartment. With a sigh of relief he opened the door and went inside.

As always, his apartment was empty. That was the worst part of living alone, no one was there to greet you when you got home or ask you where you had been or where you were going. Still unable to sleep, the empath decided to read and let go of the thoughts of Tsuzuki. He chose a book from the bookshelf, sat down on the small sofa in the tiny living room and glanced at the clock on the wall before reading. It was way past midnight and he really should've been getting some sleep, but he couldn't as long as a certain shinigami kept haunting his thoughts. Concentrating on the book, Hisoka started to read. He had read the book before, but he liked it so he didn't mind reading it again. It was a story about two men that met each other during a war. They were on different sides, but found out that they had something in common; neither one of them wanted to fight and they thought the war had no meaning so they decided to run away from it.

All of a sudden the door to Hisoka's apartment burst open and made Hisoka nearly fall off the couch. At the entrance of the door was a tall man with silver hair and eyes. He was tall and dressed in all white, holding a katana in his right hand. Lifting the weapon and pointing it at Hisoka, Muraki smiled.

"It's nice to see you again, my toy," he said and smirked at the sight of the shinigami.

"Muraki! How did you get in here? How were you able to get all the way to this place where there are no living people?" Hisoka said and tried to hide the tremble of his voice.

"That, my slave, is a secret I won't share. It would be no fun if I told you everything about myself and get to know nothing about you," the doctor said while stepping into the apartment.

Hisoka tried to find somewhere to hide, but didn't think his bedcover would help that much. Muraki kept coming closer and closer and Hisoka was sure he was going to die.

"_Wait a minute!"_ Hisoka thought. _"How am I supposed to die if I'm already dead!"_

That was something he had to think about later on, since a crazy-rapist-katana wielding doctor was threatening him at the moment. Feeling the wall against his back, Hisoka knew he couldn't escape. Muraki came up to him and placed a hand next to Hisoka's head, as if placing Hisoka inside a cage.

"Now then, boy… Shall we take a walk down memory lane and relive the first time we met?" Muraki whispered in Hisoka's ear and then started to suck on Hisoka's ear lobe.

A loud bang outside the apartment door made Muraki pull away from Hisoka. Leaning against the door opening was a panting Tsuzuki. He had his eyes set on Muraki, and his normally amethyst eyes were now darkened with anger.

"Stay away from him, Muraki," the shinigami said and straightened up.

Muraki pushed away a strand of hair from his normal eye. "Well, well, Tsuzuki-san? I see you've come to join us in our little game."

Tsuzuki raised his hands in front of him. "You will leave him alone, Muraki!" He said as flames started to build up around him.

"And what happens if I don't? You know that I always win in these kinds of games, Tsuzuki. I've taken this kid before and I plan on doing it again… If I don't get something in place of him, that is," the doctor said and smiled invitingly at Tsuzuki.

"I pray to the twelve gods who protect me, come before me. Come forth, Suzaku!" Tsuzuki bellowed, and the flames around him rose until they pushed at the ceiling of the small apartment. The ceiling started to bend, but it didn't break when the huge firebird arose above Tsuzuki. "Suzaku! Make Muraki turn back to where he came from, but don't hurt Hisoka!"

The huge bird obeyed and attacked Muraki. However, the doctor was even cleverer than they had thought and managed to fend off the attack in a way Tsuzuki and Hisoka couldn't figure out. By the time Muraki had managed to make the Phoenix disappear, the two shinigamis were gone.

Hisoka and Tsuzuki ran away from the apartment and from Muraki. When they thought they were safe, they stopped and tried to catch their breaths. Hisoka was shivering and so was Tsuzuki. The young boy looked up as he felt two arms encircle his waist and pull him close to a warm shivering body. He turned around in Tsuzuki's embrace and threw his arms around the older man's shoulders, hugging him tightly.

He felt Tsuzuki pull away slightly after a minute or so, and looked up to see if there was a problem. There was. The problem was that Tsuzuki's and his faces had come way too close to each other when he looked up. He looked into amethyst eyes that came closer and closer, and he could see the slight surprise in Tsuzuki's eyes as the small distance between them closed and he felt soft and warm lips against his own.

Hisoka's eyes shot opened as he landed on the floor. Rubbing his head he looked around in the dark room; no Tsuzuki. It had only been a dream. Hisoka groaned as he got to his feet. Glancing at the clock, he noticed that it had only been half an hour since he got home.

Walking over to the window he stopped to look outside. This was the second time this week that he dreamed about Tsuzuki and it was only Wednesday!

"There's only one thing I can do to get him out of my mind," Hisoka muttered to himself.

Putting on his shoes again he stumbled out of his apartment. Once he had gathered his balance again, he started to run towards his partner's apartment. He never had to stop and think of which way it was since his feet knew the way all by themselves. He didn't care about the beautiful full moon that lit his way or the stray cat that was sleeping on a bench; he only thought about one thing: Tsuzuki.

**OoooO**

The brown-haired shinigami with a sweet tooth larger than Alaska woke up in the middle of the night from a noise he was all too used to.

"Tsuzuki! Get your ass out of your bed and open this damn door!"

With a sigh, Tsuzuki got out of bed and walked through his apartment. He glanced at the clock and wondered what Hisoka could want in the middle of the night. Opening the door, he had to hide a yawn behind his hand.

" 'Lo 'Soka, what d'you want in the middle o' the night? Nightmare?" Tsuzuki slurred as he watched the panting form of his partner.

Hisoka lifted his head to look at his partner… and was stunned.

He hadn't been prepared for Tsuzuki to open the door in only sweatpants while holding a stuffed animal in his arms. Hisoka could only stare at all the skin that was presented in front of him and didn't even realize that Tsuzuki had been talking to him.

Tsuzuki shifted about where he was standing, unsure of what his partner was doing. "'Soka? What are you staring at?"

That made Hisoka return to reality and also made him blush at what he had done. "Sorry, I was thinking of something else. Can I come in?"

Tsuzuki moved aside and let Hisoka into his apartment. Hisoka looked around and noticed that the small household wasn't that much different from his own. Tsuzuki motioned for him to sit down on the couch and then sat down next to him with his feet curled up underneath him and pulling a blanket around his shoulders.

Tsuzuki gave him a worried look. "Is there something wrong Hisoka? Did something happen?"

Hisoka just shook his head. "No, nothing's wrong it's just… Well…," he was blushing now. "I-I… I just wanted to see you, that's all."

Tsuzuki was surprised, but smiled friendly at Hisoka. "Two thirty in the morning?"

Hisoka's blush darkened and he rose to his feet. "Forget it. This was a stupid idea. Sorry to bother you." With that he stomped off towards the door, red as a tomato in the face.

He didn't manage to get that far away before a blanket made him blind and he felt a pair of arms pull him close to a warm body. He tried to get away, but the arms only pulled him closer, until he couldn't go anywhere. He didn't feel trapped, even though there was no way for him to get away from that body, but he felt embarrassed.

"Hisoka."

The empath stopped squirming when he heard his partner's voice speak his name. He could feel his heart race and he found that, even if it was embarrassing, he didn't want to leave Tsuzuki's arms. He wanted to stay there forever; he wanted to be able to be this close to Tsuzuki for as long as possible. If Muraki had come bursting through the door at that moment, Hisoka would've told him to get out and leave them alone and then ignored him- that was if Hisoka had even noticed him coming through the door. Hisoka wasn't even sure he would've noticed if the world had collapsed at that moment. For him there was only Tsuzuki and Tsuzuki's warm embrace at that moment.

"Hisoka," Tsuzuki said again and looked down at his partner.

The boy lifted his gaze and looked at the older man. Their gazes locked and Hisoka was stuck. He couldn't believe how Tsuzuki could hate those eyes. He couldn't believe how _anyone_ could hate those eyes.

"Beautiful…," Hisoka said without knowing it.

Tsuzuki gave a short laugh. "What's beautiful?"

Hisoka blushed and looked away. _Oh, what the hell. Just face it Hisoka. You're in love with him, and one way or another, he's going to find out that you are, so why not tell him right now and get it over with! _

Hisoka took a deep breath and looked up into Tsuzuki's eyes. "I think your eyes are beautiful. I don't understand how you, or anyone can hate them," he said and lifted a hand to push away the brown strands of hair that were covering the purple jewels.

Tsuzuki winced slightly at the comment and the touch but then he smiled. "I think your eyes are beautiful too, Hisoka."

This made Hisoka's heart flutter and he could feel a warmth spread in his body, and for the first time in days, no - months, Hisoka smiled. He really smiled.

"I love your eyes," Hisoka said and leaned closer to Tsuzuki.

The shinigami smiled and leaned closer too. "And I love you."

Then their lips met.

Owari

**OoooooO**

**A/N:** Mwahahahahahaa! No lemon for you! XD I won't write anything more on this fanfic, it's up to your imagination what happened later ;) (Oh, I know what you're thinking! But that's too dirty even for me! XD) Maybe I'll make another fanfic with Hisoka and Tsuzuki where there actually is lemon included, but since I suck at writing lemon (or rather, since I always manage to get a nosebleed whenever I try to write one XD) you won't get it at the moment.

I know the beginning is all serious and so on… But to be honest, I started with this fanfic months ago, and found it again by accident a few weeks ago… (sweat drop). And since I wanted to write something, I decided to finish this one (smile). I'm quite sure it didn't turn out as I had planned it when I started to write it… But since I can't remember the original plot… you'll have to be satisfied with this (smile).

Thanks once again my wonderful beta **Reese** for reading this and correcting any mistakes I've made… What would I do without her? (Get flames about my weird language… But come one! English is not my native language, deal with it!)

So? What did you think of it? Reviews! Reeeeeviews! (Yes, I'm a bit tired and high on sugar when I'm writing this… So what! XD)

/Halkatla


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